Tonight, I'll Buy No Sorrows
by the.raydor.rules
Summary: Sharon finds that sleep is hard to come by, and is drawn to her foster son's room. I'm new to this, so please be kind. I'm going through withdrawals from the show, and have been drawn to some of your stories, and found myself bored and writing myself. :)


Sharon couldn't sleep. Once again the thoughts in her head kept gyrating throughout her skull and she was for certain her head was going to explode. Her eyes swayed to her alarm clock and she sighed. When would life ever be normal? And really who determined what normal really meant? Sometimes life had a funny way of throwing you on your ass, and when exactly had she accepted this current state of normalcy?

She slipped out of bed, ever so smoothly and made her way across the hall. Sometime after the first letter coerced its way into their almost comfortable life, she had started to wake in the night. She hadn't been dreaming, she hadn't heard anything. Sharon could only go on the hunch that some motherly ethereal sense was pulling her towards him. She could only relate this sense to when she'd been a brand new mother, and she needed to see her newest offspring breathing. To see the rise and fall of her tiny baby's chest. To see those tiny lips gently move into a tiny yawn. She'd stand there until she'd find herself caressing the cradle of the baby's head, and the baby still asleep would reach out towards his mother. She needed to know he was safe. She needed to feel his heart beat synchronize with hers. She'd almost always awake wondering if she'd ever get over this bliss? Sharon Raydor had never known a love greater than the love she had for her children. Rusty was no exception.

They hadn't always seen eye to eye. They definitely had a tumultuous beginning, but Sharon had felt herself gravitate to the young boy from the moment her green eyes had landed on the child. His demeanor had been rough but she couldn't deny that anyone in his position would have acted in the same fashion. She was a mother, she almost instantly wanted to wrap herself around this boy and protect him from the world. Anyone with half a heart would have done the same. She wasn't a hero. She was a mother, and she still had a hard time understanding why his own mother, who had given birth to this wonderful being was still cutting herself from his life. Someone would have to murder Sharon to separate her from her children. But then again some people were just cut from a different cloth. She couldn't wrap her head around it.

She couldn't pinpoint the moment when she realized she couldn't imagine life without him. It had to have been around the time Daniel Dunn had been pushed into their lives. Her impressions had been spot on when Rusty had come home with the bruises and cut on his face. And when she had seen his battered face she immediately had pictured him as a baby, a toddler, her baby, and the wind had been ripped from her lungs. She felt defeated and with such rage. She had suddenly known what had drawn people to murder. She felt scared and wondered what she was capable of doing if that monster had decided to show up at their door? Luckily, Mr. Dunn hadn't been so fatuous, and she had turned a horrible situation into something positive for both of them. When Daniel Dunn had put pen to paper and signed his parental rights away, she could have sung the hallelujah chorus. She subconsciously knew that he was one step closer to becoming her legal son.

If only his mother would be as cordial, but life was cruel like that. You couldn't get everything you wanted at once, and in reality you can't appreciate the good times as wholeheartedly without the heartbreak in between. But try telling that to a teenager who's mother up and dumps her child like he's a piece of trash. How do you explain to a child that feels they have no self worth, that they can't base their worth off someone who had no business being a mother in the first place. That someone who can't find the strength to love themselves shouldn't procreating. That it's not his fault his mother was born without the ability to do something as simple as share her heart, to protect the life you've mistakenly created. But God doesn't make mistakes. Sometimes people had to look a little harder for love. Sharon didn't like his circumstances, but she thanked all things holy that Rusty had meandered into her life.

She had seen him struggle with his emotions. She knew he'd always have a connection with his mother, and she knew she must be patient with him. His soul, though tampered by those he had thought would keep him safe, was on the mend. He had in his own ways shown Sharon that he did appreciate her actions. She had given him stability, understanding, and most of all her no strings attached heart. She did these things without question, and though she constantly wanted to embrace him, and show him the world wasn't always a bad place. She refrained, knowing one day the safety of her arms wouldn't be an awkward place for him, and that he wouldn't always be scared to freely express his emotions. Sharon longed for a day when the world wouldn't be such a complicated place for him. She hated the people who had taken advantage of such an innocent baby.

Her baby.

She stood in the doorway of his room and stared at his sleeping form. She was glad that someone in this apartment was getting, she hoped, a peaceful night's sleep. She smiled unknowingly, and felt her heart swell. She wanted to laugh, cry, take this piece of her life's puzzle that had been gifted to her by life's cruel injustice ways. She hadn't known she'd been missing a piece of her heart until Rusty had been placed into her life. And she had no intention of letting anyone devoid her or Rusty of their current state of happiness.

When had she moved to his bedside? And she wondered how long she had run her hands over his blonde head of hair? This hadn't been a part of her new nightly ritual. She'd usually wait for the sound of his slow even breathing, say a small prayer to whoever was listening, and make her way back to her bed. Something about tonight was different. She needed to cross boundaries and hope to God she wasn't breaking any barriers. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, and back pedaled before she awoke him from his slumber. As she turned to walk back to her bedroom, she heard his comforter crinkle with movement, and she faintly heard his admission.

"I love you, Sharon."

She crawled back into bed, and gently brushed away her tears. She smiled because she suddenly felt a sense of peace. Life was harsh sometimes, but her intuition was giving her a sense of hope for the future. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. She couldn't promise him a life steered from sadness or broken hearts. But she could promise that she'd always stand by his side. She'd be there to catch him whether he'd fallen from heartbreak or been knocked so heavily off his feet from the love of another. Life was a mystery, and they'd be there to help each other solve whatever happened to be thrown their way, because life too was magical like that.

Sometimes life throws you on your ass, but if you're lucky enough, you're given the right people to help pick you right back up. You might not be steady on your feet, but you'll have someone to hold you up and help lead you through the darkness.


End file.
